Conquering Self-Sabotage

I’m happy that I can at times laugh at myself. Not always, but sometimes. My brother loves to tease me about my lack of focus and the other night I saw first hand that it is genetic. I might not have gotten it from my parents, but I most certainly gave it to my daughter. Ok, so maybe it’s not nature as much as it is nurture. Perhaps my daughter’s lack of focus stems from seeing me flit around our place taking on a dozen tasks at the same time and not completing any of them.

Last night I had my daughter take her clothes from her drawers, determine what still fit and put her new school clothes away. I was surprised at how many times I had to remind her to finish the task at hand. She doesn’t seem to do this at school, but when she’s home with nothing engaging to do she is so easily distracted. I gave her a goal to work towards. If she finished her task on time she could make zucchini bread with me. She did complete her task with several gentle reminders at what was at stake.

Today I sat down with a serious deadline. I have five days to put a proposal together. What I find really interesting is that I pushed hard to get my project to a point where I could pitch it to a viable entity. I had a great meeting with the power’s that be and now all that’s left is to put this proposal together. Pretty easy, right? Not so much. This is where I begin the self-sabotage. I guess I’m ahead of the game, because I have realized this about myself.

The trick now is to do something about it. I’ve noticed that some of the biggest attention sucks for me are social media, household chores (which I normally don’t want to do), mindless internet surfing (under the guise of important research) and brilliant brainstorming of new ideas.  It’s not that I haven’t been exposed to time management and project management skills and resources. It is a fundamental refusal to sit down and focus on the one thing that could lead me down the road to success. Yes, this is how fear of success manifests in my life.

My plan for battling this attention deficit behavior is to block off periods of time where I ONLY work on this proposal. That means I’m not looking at every tweet, Facebook mention or text message. There will be no surfing the net unless it is actually research that is required for this proposal. Everything else can and will wait. It’s alright to be creative, but at the end of the day I need to be able to focus long enough to execute my dreams.

I deserve success and abundance, as does everyone else on this planet. My goal is to overcome whatever bad habits or subconscious demons I have accepted in the past, so that I can be successful in my immediate future.

 

 

MORE!!!

My head is spinning after a very long and somewhat busy day. My time management was off today which caused me to run late to pick up my daughter. Thank God one of my village members was right there to pick up the slack. The three of us met up for a speedy dinner and then I zipped my little one home. What then, you ask? I dropped her off, changed, gave her a kiss and was off to a networking meeting for people who are going through a “career transition.”

I’m so darn tired. I was up late last night, supposedly working on my business plan. In hind sight, I was doing more connecting on social media (which is also necessary) that accomplishing my actual task. So when I figured out that I wasn’t done with my tasks I stayed up late – 2 am late. It’s a vicious circle. I stay up to some ungodly hour, have trouble getting going in the morning and then am overwhelmed by how much I have to do in so little time.

So should I complain? Nope. We all have the same 24 hours. On days like this I think about all the people that are out there smashing their checklists, while putting the time in with their families and still making time for their communities and for themselves. I’m not saying that’s the norm, because I truly don’t think it is. I would love to meet some of these phenomenal women and men, so I could learn from them.

The tough part is that people are saying do more. What sticks out in my head from tonight’s meeting was the recommendation to go to at least 3 networking events a month. That may not seem like a lot to some people, but on top of what I’ve got going on and with being a single parent on a very fixed income it means getting creative. Creative so that I don’t neglect my daughter’s needs and that I find ways to get coverage that doesn’t cost me $50 a night.

The solution? Work smarter, better time management, prioritize, breathe and remember that I only live once so if something slips through the cracks…it slips.

Spinning Again

Do you ever wake up knowing that you’re in trouble before your feet even hit the ground? That’s today. I haven’t gotten out of bed yet, I didn’t get enough sleep and I’m thinking about the day ahead. Today is a day where there are not enough hours to squeeze in all that I have to do. I’m back to the sensation of the performer spinning plates. I predict a few broken plates today. I’m not being negative, I’m being practical.

Days like today leave no room for error. I need to get my daughter off to school (while being a loving and patient mom), get out for my first real 5K training run since the race (which occurred over a week ago), fit about 10 hours of work into 2 hours time, attend a job fair (because something’s got to pay the bills), make dinner and then somehow split myself and my daughter in two so we can attend two school events being held at the same time at different locations.

After I excel at all of that I can come home and catch up on the laundry that got neglected over the weekend, put some time into writing my business plan, scour the web for freelance blogging opportunities and then sigh while I look at my messy place. I pray in the process no one calls with any crisis, that my daughter is happy and cooperative and that my spirit enjoys today’s obstacle course offerings. This is the kind of day I get to remind myself that life is precious.

Yes, life is precious. So while I am zipping through task after task or begging my daughter to listen so I can keep moving and achieve my goals, I also have to use at least one nostril to smell life’s bouquet. If this is it and we only get one pass at each day, I get to find the beauty and majesty in each moment. I will not run around like a crazed zombie. I will be focused, driven and open to any opportunities that might present themselves.

My Laundry Has Eyes!

My typical MO. I get up, get my daughter off to school and then try to figure out the best way to put out the fires around me. Today it’s the piles of unfolded laundry that are taunting me from across the room. They are alluding that I am a failure as Susie Homemaker and that if they were in someone else’s home they would be neatly folded and stacked away. They pow wow with the stacks of paper on my kitchen island about this lost cause of a woman sitting at a cluttered desk.

This kind of thinking is totally counterproductive. I know that down to my toenails. I’m having the chicken or the egg conversation with myself. Running my own business has a never-ending set of demands. On top of that I am training to jog my first 5K race, which is in exactly 12 days! Right after a trip to NY to attend a friend’s wedding. Most days I get caught in the cycle of addressing what has the worst financial implications or will cause me the greatest discomfort if not addressed.

The flip side of that is reviewing my vision statement and executing the individual tasks  that will lead to success. For me it looks like pushing through fear and making the cold calls, asking for feedback from mentors, asking for money!  It’s standing for my vision and committing to take the steps to make it happen. That is what I am doing this morning. I am ignoring the lure of my judgmental laundry. I’ll get to it, once I handle the things that can bring me closer to my vision. So what if having a clean house is part of your vision?  Ah…that’s the trick, isn’t it. That is a huge part of my vision. Today I have to be the Queen of Time Management. I will be laser focused. I will stay off social media sites (for a while) and I will push to get my tasks completed. Then this evening I will find a delightful movie and have a date with my neglected laundry.

Some things aren’t going to get done today. My place wasn’t a mess when I moved in. It took me four years to get this nice marinade of mail, kiddie projects, lone socks and half completed inspirations just right. It will take commitment, time management and a system  I can manage (channeling Julie Morgenstern) to clean up and keep it that way. What can I say? I’m a work in progress.