Things Fall Apart

I can’t recall much about the book, Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, other than I read it in High School and the title often comes to me when things start going south. Yesterday I was wondering why I seem to repeat the cycle of things falling apart in my life. I don’t mean the stuff we can’t control. I mean the stuff that I let slip through the cracks because my focus is elsewhere.

The funny thing is that this happens on the personal side, not so much on the business side. Why? Because the business is often my highest priority. As a start-up, I find it’s harder to get the resources you need to get the job done. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe when I have all the resources at my fingertips it will still be hard, or maybe even harder than it is now.

One of the most challenging things about being a single mom and entrepreneur is all the stuff that has to get done. I realize that once I am out of organizational control I can forget about managing all the little pieces. It’s not worth kicking myself. The deed is already done. The best I can hope for is that in another few months I am NOT pondering how I let something slip through the cracks.

I used to laugh at my mom’s rigid nature when it came to housework. She couldn’t go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, or without putting out the trash at night. She also still gets all of her clothes ready for the week on Sunday – she picks out her outfits, irons them and lays them out neatly so they are ready to go each morning. It seemed funny at the time, but I bet her stuff doesn’t fall through the cracks.

I get that the key is to manage my “stuff” regardless of the fires that are flaring up personally and professionally. It’s a skill I would be wise to develop. When I get to that point I will acquisition the title of Zen Master of Stuff! Trouble is, I’ve got another 60 years or so before I qualify to have any title including the words “Zen Master ” so I’d better get cracking.

My Favorite Business Phrase

“I thought of you.” Yup, that’s it. That is my favorite business phrase. I love it because it usually means something positive is coming my way. I heard it twice in the last two days from different people. It went something like, “I got this call about a project and I thought of you.” When established professionals think of me when they get a call, it adds to my credibility as an Actress and an Independent Producer.

This goes back to the adage that it’s not who you know, it’s who knows you.  I’ve been building my business for several years. Along the way I have developed strong relationships, which make me an asset.  When people can trust you and the quality of your work, then you are often their first call. I know that’s true for how I run my business. There are people who I have come to rely on and who are my go to people.

I even have a Dream Team in mind, because I know who I want to add to my company as it grows. Each member starts with a baseline of trust and a history of outstanding performance. It’s less important to me that they know the industry, as it is that they are adaptable, driven and willing to work smart. Thankfully in the Philadelphia area there is no shortage of technical expertise to round out my team. When the planets align and I am ready to move forward on a project I usually make a few phone calls. Guess what I say?

“I have this project in mind and….I thought of you.”

Poised on the Edge

Every now and then I look up and realize the bold steps I’ve taken. When I do, it usually scares the stuffing out of me! I am an adventurer in training. It’s hard for some to believe but my authentic personality is much more of a shrinking violet than flame lily.

Tonight, as I sit poised on the edge, I looked up and got a scare. I can only imagine it would be like sitting on the lip of the Grand Canyon looking down. I have low-grade anxiety coursing through my soul. The cause? Fear! I’ve been out there hustling. Making cold calls and contacting people in positions of power about my products and services. This is EXACTLY what I need to do to be successful in business, but it’s diametrically opposed to what I am comfortable doing.

The first step is the call, but what happens when they call back? I freak myself out about the million little what if’s. It’s never as bad as I imagine it to be. As a matter of fact, usually the experience is inspiring and positive – even if I am receiving negative feedback. It’s like I’m getting good at jumping off the ledge and I’ve been great at retreating from it. The one thing I need to master is standing here, poised on the edge, waiting for the boomerang I threw to come back to me.

If I’m honest it’s, “What if they don’t like me, what if they laugh at me, what if they say I don’t belong here, what if I don’t know the answers, what if I make a fool out of myself?” Somewhere during my formative years, I learned that looking like a fool was the end of the world. I’ve done everything I can to avoid looking like a fool and in turn have become very foolish.

I believe in the products I have to offer. I believe that they will have a positive impact on the people they touch, and that my company will ultimately be one that creates jobs and makes a difference in my community. If I know all of the good that could be done with support, why not run outside and sing my praises to the rooftops? That’s the disconnect, the gap. That’s the space I get to live in for the next few weeks, months or years until I breakthrough and begin to value myself and the work that I am doing.

I have moments of promise. Ones where I accurately and confidently sell myself and my dreams. Then I usually retreat into the corner and pray that no one will look at me. Somewhere, some way there has to be a balance of those needs. The need to do the work I love and generate a healthy wage for it, and the need to hide in the corner and become invisible. I don’t think there will ever come a time when I feel 100% confident about who I am and what I have to offer this world, but I can dedicate myself 100% to my growth in that direction.

My mantra for the day: I open my heart to the blessings of the Universe and I share my unique gifts and talents with the world.
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