Inspiration Lives Here

Do you ever wonder where inspiration lives?  I’ve spent the last few weeks searching for it, running away from it and being shrouded in moments of joy and sadness. I don’t wake up every morning jumping from my bed on a quest to be inspired and to provide inspiration to others, but throughout the course of a day that’s just what happens.

I received a lovely message from a new friend who thanked me for sharing my experiences (you know who you are and I am grateful that you found me). She helped me understand that although I may feel alone on this journey, people are watching what I am doing and being inspired. It’s really a weird thing sometimes. I do what I do because I am moved towards it or I am avoiding a consequence.

I often think about if my actions will have a negative impact on people’s perception of me, my family or my business, but I don’t stop to wonder if they will inspire someone. I’m working to create original content that will inspire people to make positive changes in their lives and the lives of those in their surrounding communities. I guess I’m now understanding that inspiration starts with the air I breathe, with the actions I take or avoid every day.

This includes the food choices I make, the way my home is maintained, the positivity or negativity I spew on my social media sites. I know I’m responsible for the energy I carry around with me (thanks, Oprah) but I guess I didn’t consider how far-reaching it can be. When I am truly being 100% honest, and not limiting myself based on fear, I can tell that I am a powerful woman who is a force to be reckoned with. I have not even begun to access the ridiculous gifts I have within me.

I find it scary to admit that. I used to think that might come off as arrogance, but since I have not been prepared to own my gifts and make the most out of them, it’s hardly even recognized. I’ve coached friends that the world is waiting for them to step up and share their voices. Encouraged them to realize the blessings they are in an often weary world. As I go into a few days where I will need to step up and talk about myself, my business and my vision for my future, I offer myself that same coaching.

I get to speak up passionately about who I am, what I can do and what I have to offer this world. I get to understand that there are people waiting to hear my message and desperately seeking what I am selling. I don’t need to beg, borrow or steal. My greatness is unique and priceless. What I get to do is to refine my approach so I can line up with the abundant forces of the Universe, share my blessings far and wide, make a positive impact and be handsomely rewarded – financially, spiritually and emotionally.

Guess, what? You get to do all those things to. Why not join me?

Being Lonely is Being Strong

Ever notice that if you try to avoid something long enough, it all comes home to roost? Well, that’s me and men. I’ve been on my own for four years without any relationship of consequence. I’m surrounded by other divorcees who have also gone through a long period of time before they are able to get back out on the playing field. Usually, they are women.

I often wonder if guys take a relationship hiatus after big breakups. Most of the guys in my circles seem to leap-frog from one relationship to another, while the women take extended breaks. Many older women who divorce tell me that they will never remarry.  It’s just something I noticed in this latest phase of my life.

I was sharing with a friend that it’s much easier to connect with Joe Shmoe who could care less about me, than it is to sit at home being strong and lonely while waiting to meet Mr. Right. If I threw a stone I could hit dozens of single girlfriends looking for a “decent” guy. I know, I know…there are various debates about this exact issue. I had to dispel the myth that I was looking for Mr. Perfect the other day.

I don’t believe in Mr. Perfect. I do believe in Mr. Perfect for Me! I also believe that sometimes I just need to sit home and be lonely, even if that means my night ends in tears. It’s not a fun place to be, but it allows me to see the rarely viewed borders of my soul. Sometimes having the wrong man in your life can prevent you from seeing who you are and realizing your dreams. I think of it as hitting relationship bottom.

We all hear about the people who are afraid to be alone. They are always in a relationship, because being in one (even an unhealthy one) is more comfortable that being single. Being single definitely has its advantages, just like being in a relationship.  The trick for me, much like other areas of my life, is realizing that I am where I am supposed to be. I wasn’t supposed to be in a relationship over the last four years. I was healing my heart and finding my soul.

Now, I’m in a place where I can look at myself, my flaws, my needs and what I have to offer in a healthy way. I know what I’ll stand for and what is unacceptable. I’m still a total goofball when it comes to men, but I’m learning.  Being lonely isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t feel very good, but I suppose it will help me be really grateful for the companionship when the right man comes along.

I recently realized that it’s actually harder to stay at home being lonely, than it is to go out and meet a man who won’t value my worth. I’m proud of myself for taking a stand for me, for accepting that I am a beautiful, intelligent, powerful and loving woman who deserves an amazing partner. I might slip up here and there, but for now I am cool with being alone. That is not to say that I want to be alone, it’s just that until Mr. Perfect for Me materializes I’ll find fun and exciting ways to invest in my growth.

Anatomy of a Sad Run

Today I decided that instead of facing down sadness, I’d go for a run.  I’m still in 5K training mode. I have 9 more races to run by the end of the year so going out for a run is nothing unusual. It is unusual for me to leave the tv off and actively decide to start my day with meditation and running. I’m really glad I did.

I was laying in bed with tears running down my face, missing my little girl (1-1/2 weeks down, 3-1/2 weeks to go). I didn’t have to get up and the 5 hours of sleep I got was nowhere near enough, but my brain would not let me rest. I’ve done quite a bit of personal development work and I know that there are healthy coping mechanisms and self-destructive ones. Today I decided that being healthy was my priority.

It’s hot today, but probably not as hot as it’s going to be during some of my races so I got outside with my iPod. I usually listen to an energy meditation podcast before I begin my run. I love Stin Hansen’s work at http://www.mythoughtcoach.com. It’s a huge comfort when I am going through challenging times. Today I listened to Affirmations for Coping with a Crisis and particularly liked the following affirmations:

• It’s perfectly alright to feel sadness and hurt, these are normal human emotions.
• As I welcome comfort and peace, it will come. I am ready for comfort and peace now.
• I make sure my sources of help are constructive.
• The friends or  family members that I need most now rally around me. When they reach out, I let them in.
• I shun any destructive behaviors as a way of coping with this.
• My primary focus now is learning how to heal in the healthiest way possible.
• When it is time and when I am ready, I will transcend this. I will rise above the ashes.

While I jogged I remembered to focus on my breathing and used an exercise I learned long ago. It calls for you to visualize your pain or anxiety and give it a color. You then breathe out that color and breathe in a calming color. I breathed out the flame orange pain and breathed in an island ocean blue. As I was breathing out that pain I reminded myself to let it go. I didn’t need to hold onto it to make it real. I could let it go and do my best to replace it with happy thoughts and memories. As I was sweating, I thought of all the toxins, physical and emotional, that were leaving my body and I was grateful.

Now for the new runners, here is the breakdown of my physical run. It’s seems to be a story of 8′s:

• First 8 minutes (1-8) – Piece of cake. I don’t even know where the time went
• Next 8 minutes (9-16) – I’m now thinking about the fact that I’m running and it’s hot, but it’s not too hard.
• Third 8 minutes (17-24) – Whew, I went a little further today then yesterday and yay it’s time to turn around and head back!
• Fourth 8 minutes (25-32) – Holy crap! When did this get so hard??? I just want to stop but I slow down to a jogging crawl.
• Last 8 minutes (33-40) – At this point, you’ve already run 32 minutes! Just think of it like the first 8. You can’t stop NOW!

I will say that at 37:30 I heard myself moan and I didn’t know whether I was going to hurl or cry. I swallowed my bile, kept up my slow shuffle and let the tears fill my eyes. Something about letting go made them not want to spill over onto my face. I stopped trying to control my sadness. It’s a real human emotion and I am a real human being. Some days I try hard not to be, but  I am only cheating myself and those who find beauty and wisdom in my vulnerability.

Today I was sad. I meditated, I went for a run and I am now sharing what’s in my heart.  I now leave the rest up to the Universe.

Breakthroughs!!!!

I’m vibrating with excitement. This week I’ve had a HUGE breakthrough. No matter what comes of it, this moment is one for me to remember forever! I had been set in my ways for so long, but thankfully a few beautiful women stayed on me and gave me a few good nudges in the opposite direction (thank you Darralynn, Nina & Chipo)! Actually, they gave me a few upper cuts of encouragement, empowerment and an occasional reality check.

I wish I could say that I am trained to have breakthroughs on my own. I guess I have had a few, but it’s like having a personal trainer. When I am working out with a trainer I work much harder. When I have accountability partners I am pushed to new heights. Well the work I’ve been doing from the last few months has begun to pay off.

One of the things I have hated is cold calling. As an entrepreneur it’s just something I have to do. I used to defer it to my business partner, but now it’s something I HAVE to do. Seasoned sales people with tell you that it’s just part of the game. Some even love the excitement of the possibilities on the other side of that phone. Me? All I could think about was the rejection.

I had a coaching call with a friend today.  I told him that he was already projecting failure before he had reached the starting line. I guess I was really talking to myself!  The funny thing about knowledge is that you can have  a lot of it and do nothing with it.  I won’t spend a lot of time pondering why I’ve spent so much time spinning my wheels. I’ll acknowledge it, shake my head at the wasted time and use my new knowledge to create more breakthroughs.

Your Dog Won’t Meow, So Stop Waiting.

I had a conversation with a friend who was bemoaning her parent’s flaws. This is a conversation we have often. So much so that she says, “I know, I know. They’re not going to change.”  That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. If we just pay attention people will tell us exactly who they are and how they are going to operate in this world, regardless of your wishes. People can change, but they often won’t.  It’s like asking your dog to meow. The crime is when we waste our energy waiting on them to change and even worse, griping about why they won’t.

I caught myself doing it a few minutes ago. It is pointless to waste time, brain cells and energy wondering why a person won’t do what you would do or what you want them to do. The best we can do is accept that they are who they are, and love them or let them go (my preference is to love them). It can be incredibly challenging to accept, especially when you have a vested interest. When it’s your family, spouse, parent of your child, best friend or someone who could positively impact your life but doesn’t, it becomes personal.

The problem with getting caught up in the “why not” and “how could they” is that we miss what they are bringing to the table.  We may not be tuned into the blessing they are providing.  I might sit as judge and jury and decide that you are not doing enough to satisfy other’s needs, or more likely, my own needs. Well, I guess the question is, who am I to make that determination? I guess it goes back to the famous quote about he who has no sin casting the first stone.

I am full of sin, wrongs, flaws (whatever you want to call it) so how can I judge someone else’s actions. It’s oh so tempting. Of course, I do get caught up in judging others. It’s something I’m working on. Instead of judging someone else as unfit, incompetent or lacking, it is my responsibility to look inward and see where I need improvement. It will take the rest of my life to make me a better person, which means I’ll have no time to fix or change anyone else.