I work hard not to say anything negative about my ex-husband. I believe that if I even think negative thoughts about him a few things will happen:
- My thoughts will turn into energy, which may turn into negative actions.
- My daughter will somehow pick up on this energy and it will hurt her (My daughter deserves to believe that the sun shines out of both of her parents behinds.)
- Putting any energy into negative thoughts about him (or anyone else), limits my ability to direct my energy into positive thoughts which may then turn into positive actions.
One of the saddest things I’ve seen is when parents engage in bashing each other. It’s particularly tough when the children are exposed to it. Our kids want to feel safe and secure. They want to know that above everything else we love them and that we will always be there for them. They also love us and never want to hear anyone say bad things about us. For that reason it pains me when I see parents who have difficulty putting their kids first.
I know I’m not the first to say it, nor will I be the last. When we bad mouth each other it is a lose/lose situation. My daughter deserves to have a life free from the drama of my failed marriage and subsequent divorce. Life is rough enough without adding a mess of pain, insecurity and fear into her heart. It doesn’t matter how I feel about my ex, it matters how she feels about him. As long as I have my way, I will support her in believing that she has the best father in the entire world.
Her happiness and security are what’s important and in that respect, it’s not about me.