Ever notice that if you try to avoid something long enough, it all comes home to roost? Well, that’s me and men. I’ve been on my own for four years without any relationship of consequence. I’m surrounded by other divorcees who have also gone through a long period of time before they are able to get back out on the playing field. Usually, they are women.
I often wonder if guys take a relationship hiatus after big breakups. Most of the guys in my circles seem to leap-frog from one relationship to another, while the women take extended breaks. Many older women who divorce tell me that they will never remarry. It’s just something I noticed in this latest phase of my life.
I was sharing with a friend that it’s much easier to connect with Joe Shmoe who could care less about me, than it is to sit at home being strong and lonely while waiting to meet Mr. Right. If I threw a stone I could hit dozens of single girlfriends looking for a “decent” guy. I know, I know…there are various debates about this exact issue. I had to dispel the myth that I was looking for Mr. Perfect the other day.
I don’t believe in Mr. Perfect. I do believe in Mr. Perfect for Me! I also believe that sometimes I just need to sit home and be lonely, even if that means my night ends in tears. It’s not a fun place to be, but it allows me to see the rarely viewed borders of my soul. Sometimes having the wrong man in your life can prevent you from seeing who you are and realizing your dreams. I think of it as hitting relationship bottom.
We all hear about the people who are afraid to be alone. They are always in a relationship, because being in one (even an unhealthy one) is more comfortable that being single. Being single definitely has its advantages, just like being in a relationship. The trick for me, much like other areas of my life, is realizing that I am where I am supposed to be. I wasn’t supposed to be in a relationship over the last four years. I was healing my heart and finding my soul.
Now, I’m in a place where I can look at myself, my flaws, my needs and what I have to offer in a healthy way. I know what I’ll stand for and what is unacceptable. I’m still a total goofball when it comes to men, but I’m learning. Being lonely isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t feel very good, but I suppose it will help me be really grateful for the companionship when the right man comes along.
I recently realized that it’s actually harder to stay at home being lonely, than it is to go out and meet a man who won’t value my worth. I’m proud of myself for taking a stand for me, for accepting that I am a beautiful, intelligent, powerful and loving woman who deserves an amazing partner. I might slip up here and there, but for now I am cool with being alone. That is not to say that I want to be alone, it’s just that until Mr. Perfect for Me materializes I’ll find fun and exciting ways to invest in my growth.